Why teach the kids only half the story about Christmas?

Posted by on December 13, 2010 in Thoughts | 10 comments

We all know what the story of Christmas is right? It’s about a jolly fat man named Santa who rewards good kids with presents, and gives bad kids coal right? He flies around the world once a year in his sleight pulled by his reindeer, landing on the roof of every house in the whole planet, where he promptly slips down the chimney to leave presents under the tree for you. We leave him some milk and cookies as a way of payment for his work. There’s also something about Jesus I can’t recall… It’s all a beautiful little tale, right? But it’s only half the story!

In some communities in Europe, parents aren’t content to just spin the tale of Santa’s pretty lame punishment of coal for bad kids, they go a step further. Actually, they go WAYYYYY further.

Meet Krampus.

Krampus

Krampus

Krampus is not as ineffectual as Jolly Old Saint Nick, in fact he’s the perfect counterpoint (and the ultimate deterrent) for misbehaving kids. Not only is he truly horrifying to look at, but legend tells that he follows Santa around the world afflicting kids punishments of varying degrees of severity, from a simple cane whipping, to a trident through the head!

On some occasions he even takes the naughty children down to Hell, never to be seen again!

Isn’t it just a lovely way to get your kids to behave? Who needs corporal punishment in the home when you have Krampus and his face stabbing trident as a deterrent?

Originally a pagan symbol in Anglo-Saxon mythology, a depiction of the devil and a counterpoint of the good in the world, Krampus was allowed to remain in the celebrations of Christmas by Pope Gregory. But as time went by, the image of Krampus was obviously too unsavoury for the average person, and hard as hell to market too, se he fell by the wayside.

Unfortunately for Australia, the US and most of Europe, Christmas is so sterile and corporatised that all of the smaller players in the pagan festivals that were once involved in Christmas have now gone.

I suggest we bring Krampus back. The advantages far outweigh the down side, for instance, we can control our kids better with threats of violence which we don’t have to deliver, we can blame the fact that we forgot to buy presents on Krampus, and we can dress up like this!

Krampus

Krampus

Spread the cheer this year, and let’s see if we can get some of that good old “fear of the Devil” back into Christmas where it belongs!

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10 Comments

  1. Oh god, I mean, Krampus, that is terrible Martin, even for you that is terrible! LOL
    Some people are quite stupid and they don’t really understand what effect these horror stories have on their kids’ minds. You basically make them more irrational, way to go!

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  2. I’m all for bringing Krampus back!!!!!

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  3. Bring him Back! Krampus!

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  4. Why didn’t you post pictures of Krampus insted of yourself?

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  5. I find this strange.
    The illogic is silly.
    The demon will get you if you are naughty and take to to hell!
    But then the demon may be really stupid cuz if you are being bad then the chances are you can convince others to be bad thus making the potential for hell being crowded. By taking the bad one to hell the demon looses the chance to get more later on. As the demon you leave the bad ones alone and when they all start dying off the flood into hell is greater as there were a larger recruitment.
    But then it may just be me over-rating the demon’s business sense.

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  6. “M”, I’m scared.

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  7. Ah good ol Krampus, i still remembers xmas with Krampus playing a part… true, it is gone, maybe we shall bring it back, the Grinch is just not as good.

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  8. Keep Krampus in Krampusmas!

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  9. I forgot about Krampus. I wish I had a little plush Krampus to scare little kids with.

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  10. I heart Krampus…that silly elf on the shelf does nothing, but tell them krampus is going to come… Don’t even have to show them a pic.

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