Pray With Me

Posted by on March 26, 2012 in Featured, Thoughts | 12 comments

Please, join me in a prayer to God.

Thank you God, for creating mankind in your image; spiteful, vengeful, jealous, wrathful and petty.

Thanks God, in your ultimate wisdom for speaking first to illiterate desert-dwelling people, passing your commandments and dictates to people who could not foresee the way that humanity would develop. Thank you for making your writings so vague that one interpretation over another will cause the death of thousands. Thank you in your omnipotence for your apparent inability to make clear what it is that you want from us, and for allowing so many to be fooled and confused by these interpretations.

I’d like to thank you for dividing the people of earth into tribes, giving each of them assurance that their tribe was following the “one true way”, and for making your words all-to-easy to re-interpret to the wants of a few power-hungry humans. Thank you for promising humans so much, then damning almost everyone for not believing in the right incarnation of yourself.

I’d like to thank you for answering the prayers of football players, while the countless damned masses of central Africa starve to death and wage war on each other in your name. I’d like to thank you for the promise of intercessory prayer, and yet not delivering on the things that matter, like harmony among people, food for the table, and the absence of disease and hardship.

Thank you God for creating mankind in such an utterly confused state that ultimately the question of your existence has become the reason to hate one another. Thank you for allowing people to create regimes in your name, for allowing others to deny us rights and education in your name, and for allowing people to use you as an excuse for their hatreds, bigotry, biases and prejudices. Thank you for smiting us with disease and deformities, for pestilence and parasites, for cancer, for smallpox, for irritable bowel syndrome and for chronic back pain. Thank you for making the lives of starving African communities unbearable, and thank you for your voice on earth, the Catholic church, and it’s mandates that allow the problem of AIDS to continue in your name over a distaste for condoms.

I’d like to thank you for creating the male gender as superior over women. Thank you for making the honour of a household more important than the well being of the women in it. Thank you for demanding that a woman be stoned to death or set alight for any incongruity that goes against the man of the household. Thank you for telling us to cover women head to toe to avoid the apparently overpowering need to rape them. Thank you for keeping women down, and for making that acceptable in your name. Thank you for the pain of childbirth, the pain of menstruation, the discomfort of menopause, and the punishment for original sin.

Thanks for making your followers so blind that reason and rational thought are pushed aside in favour of man-made dogmatic doctrines. Thank you for convincing your followers that if they forsake the well being of all other people and lifeforms to worship you, that they will gain a place in heaven at your side. Thank you for promoting the brainwashing of children and adults alike. And thank you for not making it clear which religion you actually favour. Thank you for fooling your followers into thinking that disease and discomfort can be cured by wishing alone. Thank you for making people believe literally in the writings of the holy books; the world is literally 6000 years old, we are all literally descended from the first two people, the world was literally completely flooded killing everything, and animals can talk.

Thank you for creating homosexuals, then condemning them for the way you made them.

Thank you God for making your existence so utterly unconvincing to those who bother to scratch beneath the surface of the “truths” pedaled to us all our lives, and for your apparent inability to exist when science fills all the gaps you used to inhabit.

Finally, thanks God for not existing. If you existed I’d have trouble rectifying the idea that you created mankind, endowed them with sin by default, asked for repentance in return for this flawed creation, and threatened mankind with eternal torment if these demands weren’t met. If you existed, it would cause a huge disconnect in my universe from the standpoint of what I can see and observe in this universe. If you existed I’d have no choice but to either label you a megalomaniacal psychopath with no purpose but self-agrandisation, or as so ineffectual that you may as well not exist. If you existed, life would be so utterly terrifying that only a fool or a masochist would find that life pleasurable.

Amen

Martin S Pribble

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12 Comments

  1. Thanks for posting such a thankful post.

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    •  @BruceLlama thanks for your thanks

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  2. Now that’s a prayer I had no trouble reading this morning.  Nicely done.

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  3. Perfectly done!

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  4. Fantastic!

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  5. Monotheists tend to blame those imperfections on the Creator’s other (necessary?) creation; Evil. That old serpent called the Devil and Satan (merely a demi-god according to scribes for the God of Worship). Today’s religions continue teaching that those capitalised entities are in fact living person-like beings with thoughts and feelings, not merely concepts or useful ideas.
     
    Spoiler alert…
    In the Third Testament it’s revealed that the Devil is Jesus’ father. Search your feelings, you know it to be true.
     
    Also…
    Jesus has a sister. Rachel. http://cannold.com/articles/article/the-book-of-rachael/

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  6. Well done Martin.  Any chance you could pass that out at a church as people are entering.  It seems to me that they do not realize the heights of their hypocrisy and solipsism. 

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  7. This is the best sarcastic satire EVER! Breathtaking!

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  8. Ah the joy of prayer! This time I actually said Amen. Great read.

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  9. Martin, this is brilliant! The best take-down of rligious nonsense I’ve come across. Congratulations.

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  10. I have the theory that people blame God for what people do.  You should read: http://www.amazon.com/The-Change-Tales-Anew-ebook/dp/B007LB75O0/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&qid=1334148880&sr=1-1

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    •  @weisedame That sounds about right. To cover miracles like earthquakes, I’d say “for what nature including people do”. And by people we of course mean living homo sapien brains.

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