I’ve been asking myself these questions lately: “Do the words of one person make any difference to the state of the world? Can I hope to have any influence on the future of the world? Does this blog matter?”
The answer I continually come up with is a resounding “No” to all three.
I came into this blogging thing a while back thinking I had something unique to say, if not in content then at least in the voice I deliver it with. I was hoping to voice my perspective on things, and if not breaking new ground, at least offer a new way of delivering the messages I have, and reinforcing the words of those who are breaking new ground. Far be it from me to think that I could actually be found interesting by anyone along the way. Up until recently I thought there was a possibility that my contribution to the worlds of rational thinking and reason were actually helping people to think and to arrive at their own conclusions about the nature of the universe.
It seems however that I was kidding myself. Why do I say this now?
There are a couple of reasons. Firstly, and foremost in my mind, is the fact that even on the side of rational discourse there are people who would like to shoot me down. Not just me, but people like me who would like to have a say, or be heard. There is a culture of one-up-manship that seems rife on the internet. Of course this is nothing new, it’s what the internet was invented for, but since when did atheist communities become the haunting-grounds of adolescent idiocy? Shouldn’t the idea be that people of a similar mind back each other up, using common ground as a platform for discourse, rather than trying to pick holes in arguments, point out how unoriginal the ideas are, or just dismiss them offhand because there are examples of better formulated concepts out there?
Secondly, the fight for rational thought seems no closer to any kind of reconciliation than it was when I began this blog. In fact the rabblerousers on the other side of the fence seem to be gaining momentum and power, while the voice of reason is trampled under the feet of delusion. It’s disheartening to see this happen, I know so many good writers and commentators out there in the blogosphere, people who have real and rational things to say, but whos words are lost in the cacophony coming from the media and the organisations. The fight continues. The battles may be won, but the war will never end.
Thirdly, what does it matter what I think? Why should anyone care? This keeps coming back to me again and again. I keep rehashing the old ideas over and over, perhaps with a slightly different focus than before, but the ideas themselves aren’t new.
And finally, I feel like I’ve been fighting hard against the words and ideas of ignorance that abound in the world, and it does become very tiring. I’m tired of it. Coming up with new ideas (that aren’t new), reasoning against my own self to make the perspective right, battling the poisonous diatribes of those with influence. Sometimes it really feels like I’m beating my head against a wall.
Having said all this, don’t worry, I’m not stopping the blog. I just wanted to air some of the frustrations I am feeling right now, and hopefully getting this all out in the open helps me to move forward, on to bigger and better things. See it as self-administered therapy.
Thanks for reading.